In The Reluctant Entertainer, you say that every woman can offer hospitality. So you don't have to be a Martha Stewart?

That's right. You don't have to be a Martha! We get too hung up that entertaining or hosting a dinner party has to look "the part"--gourmet, fancy, impressive. I think American women need to come back to the reality of what hospitality really is-it's the simplicity of making a person feel warm and welcome. People are hurting in America right now and we need each other, which may mean coming together for an easy meal.

How did you learn the value of hospitality?

I was fortunate to have parents who taught me as a little girl the value of hospitality. Because of that gift being handed down to me, I've been able to pass the torch on to my three kids, who are all now teenagers. But there's hope for the person who maybe didn't receive the same gift that I did. Find a role model, someone that you really respect and can learn from, and ask if she'd be willing to mentor you. It really works!

How does a woman learn to make her house a home?

Not everyone was as fortunate as I was to learn from my mother and grandmother about hospitality. I like to tell young women that when they get invited to other homes for dinner, to find two or three things they like about the hostess and the way she entertains, and then apply those things to the next dinner party they have. That's the way I learned. I had the roots of being a hospitable person, but then as I started entertaining more, I watched and learned as I went.

Your book is about welcoming each other--it's about fellowship. What type of practical ways do you encourage that connection?

Don't get overwhelmed by thinking a dinner party has to be elaborate. Start small, maybe by inviting two to four people over. Look around you--what do you have in common with others? If you have children, invite the parents of your children's friends over. If you're involved in a ministry through church, see who you really connect with and invite them. Host a potluck dinner so you don't have to do it all.
Keep in mind that there are many ideas of how to come together for fellowship. And since we all love food, how about a relaxing brunch, a casual night of appetizers or just dessert, a girlfriend party, or outdoor barbeques are the best because you don't have to worry about your house looking a certain way. Find what inspires you and once you start using the gift, you'll see that it's not about you, but the connection that is being made with your guests. It's magical-you put a little thought into an idea and then something inspiring and magical takes place.

What do you say to the woman who feels she is just too busy to entertain?

So many Americans are in the same boat. We're all just too busy. Garage doors open and close, and many don't even know their neighbors. My advice is to get a date on the calendar. Keep it simple, plan ahead and utilize local grocery stores or markets where you can buy a whole chicken, fresh veggies and salads and baked bread. Anymore, most grocery stores are set up with gourmet sections where the food is already cooked. Bring it home, put it in some nice serving bowls, set a simple table and voila! You have created a wonderful night ahead to share with good friends. Or maybe even new friends?

Often we look for someone new to get to know, but cultivating older friendships is not to be overlooked either, is it?

Friendships do change over the years for sure. Establish a few traditions where you come together with the same group of people each year, even if it's once a year. We've been a part of a progressive dinner for six years now with the same four couples. The first Saturday of every December we set the date. It's a night that none of us would trade for the world. It's become a tradition and a way that, as older friends, we can connect. You just have to make it happen.

When entertaining, you caution women to "never apologize." What if there is something to apologize for?

Apologizing for your mistakes only sheds light on your mistake! I guess if it's "huge," you can mention it--I suggest by adding a bit of humor--but you really have to evaluate if it really matters. Let's say that you forget to salt the dish of vegetables. You can casually say, "Here's the salt and pepper if you want to add a little flavor to the green beans." You don't want to say: "I forgot to salt the green beans. I'm so sorry, I ruined the dish" and on and on. You only make the matter worse. Most of the time our guests have no clue where we messed up in the kitchen. They are there to have a good time, for fellowship. A week, or month or two later, people don't even remember what we served, but I can guarantee that they will remember the conversation.

You cover all sorts of homemaking ideas on your blog, reluctantentertainer.com. Did your book grow out of your blog?

Yes, it did. I started my blog when my husband and I started talking about how people just don't entertain anymore. Or, it's always the same ones that host dinner parties. And why was this? This is when we came up with our answer. Most of the time people are fearful. They don't think their house measures up. They get caught up in the "comparison trap" of perfectionism, or they may be intimidated by their culinary skills. Whatever the reason, this is when I came up with my "Ten Commandments," a list of simple reminders for women on how to keep hospitality simple. As I started writing about "reluctant entertaining," the blog became more popular, and then Bethany House contacted me when they saw the value of how my book could change women's lives.

You include some recipes in the book. How did you select them?

The recipe selection was really hard. I put in a few tried-and-true recipes I used as an early entertainer in my 20s, for example, my Easy Press pie crust. Who wants to make a crust where you have to have pull out the rolling pin and get flour everywhere when you can mix it in a bowl with a fork and press it right into the pan? I wanted to include easy yet tasty recipes, ones that work great for having company.

Any parting words for the reluctant entertainer?

I have included a fairly long chapter on "Overcoming the Pitfalls of Perfectionism" that I think will help most women. Read it through several times and let it sink in. My guess is that your eyes will gradually be taken off of yourself and onto others, and a "spark" may be ignited in you. Becoming a hospitable person, whether in your home or outside of the home, will make your life richer. The benefits are so rewarding and you'll become a much happier person.
I also write about being a gracious hostess. Graciousness is one of the most beautiful traits that a person can have, and I'm always striving to become more gracious myself! It portrays contentment, which leads to a great attitude toward life. It's accepting how our life is today, with little or with much--big house or small. Grace is a gift that we both give and receive, and fortunately it can happen around the dinner table where we break bread together.

Photo credit: Paul Coughlin.

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