Helping parents lead their families

MICHELLE ANTHONY is family ministry architect at David C Cook. A wife and mother, she also serves as the family ministry ambassador for ROCKHARBOR Church in Costa Mesa, Calif.

In what ways has God specifically impassioned your heart for the family and today’s generation?

I feel impassioned that they would hear God’s voice in a personal relationship, and be able to discern His voice among all the other voices clamoring for their attention. I also long for this generation to have a desire to obey God’s voice when they hear it—aligning their will to His call. Lastly, my hope would be that children and families would learn to obey God in the power of His Spirit and the strength He offers, rather than merely adopting a “try-harder” type of Christianity. All of these things are deeply rooted in relationship rather than religious behavior.

Many people are describing the focus on family ministry in today’s churches a movement of God. Do you agree with this and why?

I do agree. I think that one reason we describe it as a movement of God is based on the breadth of it. Before there was a champion or before there were adequate resources, God was awakening His people to this passion all across the globe. There are churches and individuals in cities and countries too numerous to count with common language and vision for families—that’s a God-sized phenomena.

Secondly, I see this focus on family as a movement because of the depth of it. Partnering with parents in the current definition of “family” is choosing to walk into deep waters with them. I believe that out of God’s love and grace, He has initiated healing in our families. But, the issues facing the 21st-century family are something that only God can heal, and no clever program or eloquent author will be able to address the level of redemption that is needed without Him at the helm.

You seek to inspire the church and parents to each play their unique roles in passing on their faith to the next generation. How do you see their roles as distinct and as complementary?

These roles are distinct in that God designed the family to be the heartbeat of faith formation (Ps. 78, Deut. 6). The home was God’s design for faith to be passed on from generation to generation. However, sin corrupts and distorts God’s perfect plans for us, and parents, even in biblical eras, neglected to succeed in this endeavor. The church was commissioned to spread this good news and equip the saints to do the work of the Lord (Eph. 4).

Practically speaking, their roles are complementary in that both the home and the church are instruments of proclaiming Christ to a new generation. But it is the church that is tasked with making sure that our ministries strategically equip parents and grandparents to have the tools necessary to raise spiritually healthy families.

You have used the term “spiritual parenting” to refer to the type of parenting that we need in our homes today. What do you mean by this, and how does one become a spiritual parent?

Well, first of all, “spiritual parenting” is not perfect parenting. Often we think of something spiritual as something that is more holy. Yet, “spiritual parenting” is parenting with an eternal perspective—parenting with eternity in mind, rather than just trying to make it through another day. As parents, we can become consumed with the temporal things in raising children—household duties, meals, homework, errands, sporting events and so on. But, God calls us to see every moment as an opportunity to impact faith formation. He wants us to redeem the time for something greater than today.

We become “spiritual parents” when we align our efforts with God’s plan. We ask ourselves in every moment, “God, what are you doing in the life of my child, and how can I come alongside of that?”

What are some of the greatest challenges ministry leaders will face in faith formation of today’s generation? How can leaders overcome these?

Ministry leaders are dealing with extraordinary challenges in our churches today. There is an apathetic, and even antagonistic, condition in this generation toward the gospel. We are dealing with more addiction, depression and sexual promiscuity than the generations that have preceded us. The family unit is complicated and fragmented, and young people are busy, distracted and disengaged. All of these issues create an unbelievable vortex of complexity for ministry leaders who are often ill-prepared for this type of mission field.

The hope that ministry leaders will have in reaching this generation will be in joining forces in laser-focused efforts, that cross-denominational, generational and programmatic barriers to present the gospel authentically through discipleship. We will need to eliminate the excess in our ministries and become united and focused in order to have a lasting impact.

In what ways do you feel that the church has become misguided or distracted in their mission to a young generation?

We have become misguided in that we have not accurately understood how faith formation works. Unfortunately we got off track when we largely adopted a religious system in our Christian education programs and called that faith. We focused on a model that encouraged behavior modification through memorization, information and attendance, while often neglecting spiritual formation through genuine discipleship, inward transformation and community.

We have been distracted by preservation. When a previous generation seeks to “preserve what they had,” their eyes are focused in the rearview mirror instead of the windshield. The windshield shows us where we are going and is a bigger perspective. The rearview mirror is small and, while important, keeps us tethered to the past.

How can Christian retailers assist congregations who are making an effort to come alongside parents in learning to spiritually lead their families?

Christian retailers play a significant role in assisting churches, attendees and leaders in providing resources that are current and relevant to the topics that are most beneficial to the Christian community. Often retailers lead the way in helping churches to even understand what these issues are in the first place. The resources are important, but even further, retailers can hold book signings or partner with local churches for conferences and events to help promote conversations about the topics that effect leadership.

For the issue of parents leading their families spiritually, retailers can provide books, family night resources, as well as provide local opportunities that engage parents in a local church that might provide message series, classes and events to enhance spiritual conversations and faith in the family.

You are passionate about how we teach God’s Word to children. Explain how your approach can impact young hearts and minds and why it’s important to you.

I am passionate about God’s Word and its impact on children. I believe that it’s important for children to see the Bible as one story of love and redemption where God is the main character. Often, we teach His Word as a collection of stories where Moses is the main character one day and Peter is the main character another. In reality, those people merely play a supporting actor role in God’s big story, and when told in a chronological manner, we can ask ourselves at every page, “What do I know about God from this?” rather than, “How can I be more like so-and-so?” It is then that we begin to see ourselves as playing a part in a huge storyline that is still being written. This is important because one way will allow kids to understand history, while the other will engage kids to actually be a part of it.

Some have said that your concept of “creating environments” in their home is freeing to them as parents. What are these environments, and how do they bring spiritual health and freedom to parents?

The environments are described in my book Spiritual Parenting and really have to do with how we view our role as parents. If it is God’s role to do [handle?] the supernatural and bring about transformation in my child (at best, I can only control behavior), then it begs the question, “What is my role?” I see the role of parenting as one of creating an environment in my home where God can do what He does best—change hearts and lives.

It’s freeing because I am no longer the one trying to manufacture faith through good behavior or controlling circumstances, but rather focusing on a climate in my home that puts God and His character on display. My children simply get to live in the path of the divine, and it’s His divinity, through grace, that changes them.

What do you feel is the greatest obstacle in parents assuming their God-given role to spiritually lead their families?

This obstacle is multifaceted because there are many contributing factors, but the greatest obstacle is that parents are not awakened to this God-given role. Christian parents have historically felt satisfied if they dropped their children off at a weekly Sunday school program, led and taught a moral life, and included prayer at meals and bedtime.

Biblically speaking, a Christian parent is one who is actively engaged in spiritual conversations and teaching in every moment throughout the week, erasing the line between sacred and secular, while choosing to disciple their children in active engagement of spiritual disciplines, which include prayer, reading and studying God’s Word, service, community, confession and worship, just to name a few. Unfortunately parents are too busy and ill-equipped to assume this type of a role and will need the church to come alongside to help them, with God’s Spirit to become awakened [in them].

Read more of this Q&A online at www.christianretailing.com/anthony.

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