Second-time-around couples may be wiser and even more determined than before to make things work when they wed, but if the divorce statistics are grim for first-timers, they are even more sobering among those tying the knot again.

That concern prompted father-and-son counselors Gary and Greg Smalley to write The Heart of Remarriage (978-0-830-74677-4, $22.99, Regal Books), releasing this month. The pair surveyed hundreds of remarried couples to learn more about the particular challenges faced by those for a second time, or more.

The Smalleys concluded that the real issues are not about practicalities like step-parenting—though they are addressed with hands-on advice and ideas—so much as emotional baggage and blind spots from previous relationships.

"In many remarriages, couples get together thinking that their hearts are wide open to each other and will stay that way," they write. "In reality ... the doors are actually closed."

Addressing the need for someone to have an open heart and to provide emotional safety for others they know in successful relationships, the writers acknowledge that much of the first portion of their book is applicable to anyone. They look at how best one can heal from past hurts and establish healthy boundaries.

In the second part of the 256-page hardcover book, they get down to some of the emotional tangles specific to remarriage—unresolved issues with ex-spouses, feelings of guilt and anger, and the different tugs and pulls in blended families. They emphasize the need for the couple's relationship to take prime place if the new stepfamily is to survive and thrive.

Each chapter includes brief Heart Healer ideas and suggestions, Heart Monitor questions for reflection and discussion and Heart Protector advice. The book ends with a series of relationship quizzes to identify areas on which individuals may need to focus.

A publicity campaign with secular and faith media—print, television, radio and Web—in addition to online promotions will support the release.

For more information, go to www.regalbooks.com. To order, call 800-4-Gospel.

The behind-the-scenes principles that guide the film couple's life

Oscar-winning film The Blind Side told the story of black NFL player Michael Oher, who was adopted by white parents Leigh Anne and Sean Tuohy and their two children. Now, in the new Henry Holt book, In a Heartbeat: Sharing the Power of Joyful Giving, the Tuohys share the lessons they have learned in giving, not only by adopting Michael, but also in ways as simple as tithing and being present to the needs around them

Leigh Anne, an interior designer, decided early on that her mission was to raise children who would become "cheerful givers." Sean, who grew up poor but now owns a large number of fast-food franchises, said he believed that one day he could provide a home that would be "a place of miracles."

"When you give because you want to see the results or you give because of the results or you give hoping for a result, that means you're giving with some sort of an agenda," Sean Tuohy said. "And I don't think that's what (the Bible) means by 'cheerful giver.' "

Along with the cheerful giving principle from Scripture, the couple lives by what they term the Popcorn Theory.

"If you throw all the kernels to the bottom of the pan and it starts heating up, well, all those kernels look alike, but those kernels have needs and wants you don't really know," Sean said. "The one that really needs it the worst will pop up and hit you right in the face."

Michael was transformed because of the family's generosity as they opened their hearts to him, and they still work with inner-city kids, but the Tuohys don't think every giver has to do something grand.

"Yes, we adopted a 16-year-old kid that obviously had needs, but that's no better or no greater than somebody who looks at the little red bucket at Christmastime and puts quarters in it," Sean said. "They do it with a cheerful heart and it has the same effect in God's eyes."

Giving 10% of their income to God has also become important to the family.

"I had always gone to church and given, but it was never something that I understood exactly what I was doing, I just thought I was supposed to do it," Sean said. "The premise that it wasn't that you're giving what's left over, but you're giving your first tenth had a huge impact on me.

"Then the biggest impact was that if you're not doing it with a cheerful heart, then God really doesn't want it, so you really need to get your heart right. That was the big change in our family and certainly in my heart."

All three Tuohy children—Collins, Sean Jr. and Michael—contribute to the book, as do actors from The Blind Side, Tim McGraw and Sandra Bullock, who won an Academy Award for Best Actress for The Blind Side. The couple still maintains a relationship with the stars.

"We couldn't be more happy with the people that portrayed us (in the movie)," Sean said, adding, "My wife and Sandy talk all the time. There is no reason before this movie that they would have ever had this relationship with us, but it was probably the other way around."

The Tuohys are not holding themselves up as an example to the detriment of others. Rather, Sean said: "We're not trying to teach anybody a lesson. I think what we are trying to tell people with this book is that we have just as many warts as anybody else, we just happen to have our names tagged to the characters of the movie, but that doesn't excuse us nor does it excuse you from really finding that place in your heart to do stuff for others."

For more information on the 288-page hardcover book, visit www.henryholt.com. To order, call 888-330-8477.

Latest project: Spiritual Parenting: An Awakening for Today’s Families (David C. Cook).

Resides in: Costa Mesa, Calif.

Currently reading: Shaped by the Word by Robert Mulholland (Upper Room Books) and Brennan Manning’s The Furious Longing of God (David C. Cook).

What is the theme behind Spiritual Parenting?

“Oftentimes when people hear ‘spiritual parenting,’ they think of maybe perfect parenting, but I really wanted to get back to the root of what spiritual parenting is. Things that are spiritual are things that are eternal, so I like to say that spiritual parenting isn’t perfect parenting—it’s parenting from a spiritual or eternal perspective. I feel that oftentimes we can immerse ourselves with good parenting techniques that are really not eternal. They just help us get through the day. Those things are needed and those things are essential. But I really felt like there was a void out there to the things that mattered most to me when I was raising my children and that was really getting at the heart, and I longed for a place to discuss those things and a place where we could be inspired.”

What are some of the practical ways of spiritual parenting?

“There’s nothing magical about it. God was really calling me away from just trying to manage their behavior so they would look clean and shiny on the outside, that I wouldn’t be embarrassed as a parent and people would think we did this job well. And also out of fear—as God was pulling me away from managing my children’s behavior, He inspired me to do something bigger and more, which is to create environments in my home where the Holy Spirit would be the person that’s involved in my child’s life. He would do that when and as He chose. I couldn’t control that. In that moment I wanted that bad behavior to stop, although I could do it for that moment, I couldn’t really heal what was in the heart of my child. And so I didn’t want a false security that I was just dealing with the outside and there wasn’t a transformation on the inside. It really came down to: What’s my part? If God’s part is to transform, then my part is to create environments in my home where He can freely be at work. The book talks about faith in the beginning and how that has to be our goal, but then it untucks 10 environments that have practical life stories, how I messed up, how I just so needed to depend on God and what my children’s experiences were in those environments.”

How do you approach people about their own parenting techniques?

“I don’t espouse a technique, but ask parents to surrender themselves and their techniques. ... When I encounter parents from all different kinds of techniques and backgrounds, I think it’s something freeing about this for them. We just pile guilt on ourselves. We pile a lot of pressure that God never intended. There’s something freeing about releasing that.”