‘Facts of Life’ actress reveals personal journey to a sense of community

Although Lisa Whelchel portrayed a character with close friends while starring in television’s The Facts of Life, a busy work schedule during the crucial adolescent years kept her from truly connecting in real life. In Friendship for Grown-Ups: What I Missed & Learned Along the Way, she opens up about her personal life and struggle with relationships.

“Learning the ins and outs of navigating friendships in your 40s is really awkward, especially when you make the silly mistakes that you make as a young girl,” she told Christian Retailing. “Making them as a middle-aged woman is not pretty.”

Whelchel said she had been reluctant to get too personal in her latest book, bypassing her personal hurts and struggles and instead deciding to focus on friendships, some of which she made as a member of the Women of Faith team of speakers. During the process, however, she began to notice that the book was becoming more revealing than she expected.

“It ended up being a deep look at the messiness of what happens when God comes and does an overhaul on your heart,” she said. “Everything God has done, He has done within the context of community and relationships. It’s definitely a book about friendships, but it’s also a book about what God does when He wants to do a deep, healing, growing work in our hearts. He usually does it through people.”

Whelchel, who has begun sharing from the book during Women of Faith tour stops, said she feels women are identifying with her insecurities.

“I’m learning more women feel the same way I do, even if they had the traditional school experience,” she said. “By opening up my life and my journey, I think women are identifying with where they are, and it feels safer to know they’re not the only ones who are insecure or have been really hurt in a relationship and are wondering if it’s really worth it to open up again.”

Despite the pain, sometimes caused by friends, Whelchel said building bonds is definitely worth it.

“Friendships are more than just somebody to go the mall with,” she said. “I think it’s one of the primary ways that God lets us know about Him and who He is—and lets us know about ourselves. My walk with the Lord has exploded as I have come to open up more to relationships.”

Whelchel, who became a Christian at age 10, credits a strong faith for keeping her stable in Hollywood. In light of the recent news of former child-actor deaths, she attributed her stability to “the grace of God and His covering over my life.”

“I knew I was a child of God, and it doesn’t get much better than that,” she said. “I didn’t go down the typical paths looking for something to identify me or fill me up.”